Wednesday, March 16, 2011

the package on my doorstep

So, since there was no polyp, I have started on my meds for the Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) which is the terms for actually putting the embryos into my uterus.  Sorry to be so technical (not to mention graphic) but I hope it just makes things easier to use the correct jargon.  I am amazed that God resolved the polyp and the procedure was as easy as it could have been with minimal pain and side effects.

So off to order my meds...the doctor's estimate for the cost of my meds was 500-700 dollars, long story short, my insurance covered some and the total cost for us was 250. Soooo thankful! After overnight shipping, I received the box today, I opened it and poured the contents on the table, I was overwhelmed as the thought of this got REALLY real. I have known it all aong, but reality setting in has come in spurts. I begin giving myself shots tomorrow in the stomach, then move to IM shots in the rear after a few weeks wich could possibly last a few months into pregnancy.

Being a woman who was blessed by having three kids...*ahem...the old fashioned way...I have a new heart for women struggling with infertility and wanting to bear a child. God's perfect design for our bodies can not be duplicated, and in our attempt, it never is the same and challenges us daily to find joy.

My fears today are that none of the babies will "implant," also frankly, that all of the babies will implant, that they will be in the nicu, my blood pressure will rise, I will be sick again during pregnancy, that I will have throuble being a mom to all these kids. Father, I give You my fears. I know it will not be easy, but I know that is in Your eternal hands and as a friend quoting John Piper told me, " 'results are God's responsibility, obeying is mine'" Wherever this road takes me, I know it will draw me closer to Jesus and grow me into the person He wants me to be. 

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