the rollercoaster

After the official positive result, great blood counts, rising numbers - we were excited and starting to plan. Scared and trusting God along the way, we began wondering if it was one or two...

I went this past Wednesday for more blood work to make sure my numbers were rising as they should be, but Thursday morning I received a call at work. The nurse practitioner told me that my pregnancy hormone (HCG) was essentially back to zero, meaning that in one week's time I had gone from pregnant to not pregnant. We had lost all three babies. After tears, texts, supportive friends, and my wonderful husband's support, we watched as the Love of Christ surrounded us. Friends poured in calls, texts, meals, childcare, flowers and letters.

 Thursday afternoon, I received a voicemail from the doctor's office sating that tey just didn't understand how the labs looked the way they did, and 'not to give us a false hope' but we shouldh test again-just to eliminate the possibility of lab error. So, we waited until Friday morning for the next blood results which confirmed the original lab result of a miscarriage.

Having never been through anything like this before, especially with this much time, emotion, money and strength, I was just like a sail with no more air-with nowhere to turn but Him.

Romans 8:28 says, "For we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him and are called according to His purpose..." We know that this is what He called us to and are thankful to have been a part of such a blessing and enlightening. This does give us peace through the storm.

We don't know where He will lead us next, but wherever it is we will follow obediently.

the heaviest "weight" yet

I was not prepared for the 12 day wait before the official blood test.  It hit me hard especially after losing one already.  God knew what a difficult few days it would be and sent countless texts, FB messages, phone calls and visits from friends. For that, I am so grateful.
In His grace, the greatest gift was to wake up early wednesday morning, take a home test that came out negative and still have the peace only He can give. It was through nothing I did myself, only through His gift. I had a totally different mindset and my heart was restful.
We went to dinner with old friends that evening (one of whom is pregnant) and she told a story of taking a pregnancy test and seeing it negative, then returning 5 days later to a positive test. Naturally, When I got home, I got the negative test out of the trash and sure enough, there it was, faint as can be- but still there-an extra line!
Ryan and I looked at each other and laughed nervously, thanking God!
I go tomorrow for the official blood test, so we'll know for sure.